Start by finding common ground

May 16, 2010
Filed under: Coach's Corner — Tags: , , , — jonimar @ 9:36 pm

Q: Two of my managers have been squabbling for years. Rather than working things out between themselves, they bring everything to me. I’m tired of mediating. How can I put a stop to this so they focus on their jobs?

A: Being a middle man is a no-win position. It fuels their feud as both parties vie for your attention and allegiance. The cost in lost productivity and increased tension is too high for these behaviours to continue. Reinforce this with consequences if they are unable to collaborate effectively.

Moderate rather than mediate a meeting where they speak directly to one another rather than through you. Point out wherever common ground exists between them on objectives, outcomes or vision.

Give both parties equal chance to present their point of view dispassionately. Trust builds when speakers feel their opinion is being heard and listeners know they are not forced to agree.

Conflict often stems from miscommunication and misunderstanding. Ask the listener to restate what he or she heard, plus one benefit of that viewpoint. Explain they are simply acknowledging they heard the person’s perspective, not that they are necessarily agreeing with it.

Alignment can break down in the tactical stage of determining how to implement plans. Individuals may attack or defend when trying to marshal support for their ideas.

Resist getting dragged into conflict or feeling responsible to resolve it. Neutralize things by asking how they will leverage each other’s strengths to create combined success. Keep the discussion solution focused and acknowledge effective communication when it occurs.

Be sure they leave with strategies to interact more productively. Arrange a followup to check in on their progress. If additional support is needed to de-escalate conflict, contact your HR department or a certified corporate coach while you reassess the roles and responsibilities of these team members.

Originally printed in The Province, May 16, 2010.

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