The Buzz
Take positives from negative
Q: I just got my 360 review and I’m devastated. I thought I was doing a great
job because my staff always achieves their results.
I discovered that being task focused makes people feel used and ignored. How
will I recover from this?
A: While the review may be negative, your attitude is positive and open. How
you handle the results is far more important than what you received. Absorb,
understand and act.
Take time to let the results sink in. Pay attention to good feedback, too.
Reflect on the information with curiosity and compassion rather than self
judgment.
Reduce the risk of appearing defensive. Don’t take any action until you are
unemotional.
Never seek more information or confront respondents. They already risked
giving you an honest assessment. Ask yourself: What are the common themes? How
are my good intentions being negatively perceived? What kind of leader do I want
to be?
?What three behaviours that would create the greatest positive impact and
reveal the leader you are aspiring to be?
? What small simple behavioural shifts would make a big difference?
? What manager, mentor, colleague or leadership coach would support your
development with ongoing feedback and holding you accountable to your
commitments.
Bring your staff onside by sharing with them how you intend to change. Invite
them to keep you on track by acknowledging you when you are successful and
calling you out when old behaviours creep in. Making changes based on their
feedback demonstrates you are a leader who values your staff enough to listen
and learn from them. That alone will positively alter their perception of
you.
Originally published in The Province, December 4, 2011.
Steer clear of minefields
Q: My peer’s hypercritical attitude is wearing me down. Rather than deal with it, her supervisors are waiting for her to retire. I try including her in discussions, but it doesn’t help. What do you suggest?
A: Since she interacts with others the same way, this reveals more about her than those she criticizes.
Life rarely measures up to a critic’s expectations, since they usually hold themselves to an even higher level of criticism than they do others. So don’t waste your energy taking it personally. Stress can make people curt or blunt. Maybe she is unaware of how her words come across or how her negativity siphons other’s energy.
If inviting input or opinions, you must to be willing to hear her feedback. Focus on ‘what’ she is saying rather than getting caught up in ‘how’ she’s saying it. Find the golden nugget being offered and acknowledge its value. Leave the rest. Critical people believe the validity of their viewpoint and want it to be heard.
If you’re not ready to hear her insight, do not solicit it. Keep your communications factual, business-like and brief. Stay away from minefields and limit interactions to essential items.
You can’t change others’ attitudes, but you can choose how you react. Why do her criticisms get under your skin? What meaning do you attribute to her comments? What is it that bothers you? Just as the critic’s comments reflect more about them, your reaction reveals more about you.
Ironically, she can be a great teacher. A self-critical person doesn’t have the capacity or ability to offer it to others. However, you will have developed increased self-awareness and self management when you are can respond to her with genuine compassion and understanding.
Originally published in The Province, October 30, 2011.
Set the tone for meetings
Q: My staff’s harsh criticisms of different viewpoints are preventing the sharing of innovative ideas in meetings. How can I create a more open exchange of dialogue?
A: Besides bringing in a neutral systems coach trained to resolve the team’s underlying conflict, role modelling by a leader is an effective way to achieve behavioural changes. The coaching skills of listening and asking curious questions would help break through the resistance.
Clear out your thoughts and agenda to focus attention on the speaker. If you are sorting and assessing the speaker’s message while they are speaking, you are NOT fully hearing them. You are filtering communication through assumptions and opinions. Listen beyond literal words, voice tone and their delivery. What is the underlying message they are trying to convey? What is their good intention beneath the words? What are they not saying?
Asking simple curious questions in a matter of fact manner will flush out their point of view. Seemingly obvious or dumb questions posed with sincere curiosity will encourage the speaker to disclose even more. Open ended questions that steer toward the positive in their viewpoint and begin with “what” will expand the conversation. For example: What is superior about this solution? What is the benefit? What would this afford us?
Avoid “why” questions that may make the speaker inadvertently feel interrogated or defensive. If the meeting becomes heated, neutralize it by curiously questioning the conflict – ensuring you are exhibiting judgment-free listening and dispassionate questioning. Your consistent follow through will demonstrate new meeting expectations promoting trust and safety so staff are motivated to contribute their ideas.
Originally published in The Province, September 25, 2011.
Dealing with clashing values
Q: Two of my employees clash over their competing values, creating tension in the department. I appreciate both of their viewpoints. How do I get them to do the same so they will work together productively?
A: Values conflicts can be more challenging to work through since they are emotionally charged. People tend to feel judged, threatened or personally attacked because their values reflect deeply held beliefs. This takes a more delicate mediation.
Start by facilitating an honest dialogue where both parties can explain their value freely and fully without being interrogated or criticized. The first step is to break through possible misconceptions or stereotyping by ensuring both parties feel heard.
Build trust and safety by keeping the conversational tone neutral. Ask each party: What does this value mean to you? What’s important to you about this value? Have the other party repeat what they heard and articulate how this complementary viewpoint strengthens the department.
The outcome of this meeting is to open up understanding and mutual respect for each other’s viewpoint. The intention is not for both parties to come to an agreement or to change either party’s values. You will need to remind them of this often throughout the process.
Establish common ground by finding a larger universal value that they can both support. For example: the company’s mission. If the conversation circles back to their differences in belief, keep reinforcing their commitment to the larger shared value.
Operationalize the new mutually held belief by formalizing an agreement on how they will work toward it in their own way. Include concrete action steps that they will be held accountable to attain. Finally, affirm their commitment and mutual respect.
Originally published in The Province, August 21, 2011.
Get set up -then unplug
Q: Vacations just aren’t worth it. I work like a dog beforehand to get ahead of my workload and race to catch up when I get back. While I’m away my BlackBerry buzzes continuously. I’m thinking of cancelling this year’s holiday altogether. Can you help?
A: Others won’t respect your time off until you do. You’ve trained people that you are available even when absent.
This time give people two week’s notice of your upcoming vacation. At the same time block time to wrap up, tidy up or delegate your current responsibilities to others you trust. Introduce your replacements to the key issues and provide clear written instructions on how to handle specific situations so you can relax knowing business is taken care of.
Turn on your “out of office” e-mail manager informing people you are unavailable and who to contact regarding urgent issues. Create an outgoing voice message with the same information. Then unplug. Don’t answer your phone! Seriously, once you respond from your BlackBerry it is game over.
Doing even a little bit of work while away will continue a slow drain on your mental and emotional batteries. You will end up coming back just as tired. Ride the relaxed holiday momentum by easing back into work. Block the first day or two to get organized and reoriented.
Rather than answer each email, sort by subject, scan, prioritize and act on the most pressing issues. Delegate what you can immediately, then file or dump messages you were cc’d on for reference. This reduces the sense of overwhelming.
Remember. Vacations have enormous health benefits.
Originally published in The Province, July 18, 2011.
